Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?

I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.

Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

I hate everybody, and you're next.

Please don't make me kill you.

And your point is...?

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.

I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.

Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

Remember my name - you'll be screaming it later.

You KNOW you want me.

Don't worry. It'll only seem kinky the first time...

Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.

Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?

I'm multi-talented: I can talk and piss you off at the same time.

You, me, whipped cream, handcuffs. Any questions?

Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.

You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

All stressed out and no one to choke.

I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

How can I miss you if you won't go away?

Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.

If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.

Nobody knows I'm not wearing underwear.

I'm out of estrogen and I have a gun.

(1) My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't!

(2) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

(3) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

(4) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

(5) Quoting one is plagiarism; quoting many is research.

(6) I'm not a complete idiot--some parts are missing.

(7) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

(8) NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

(9) I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather . . . not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

(10) The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

(11) I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

(12) Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

(13) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

(14) MOP AND GLOW - Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.

(15) Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam (seen on Cape Cod)

(16) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up

(17) Procrastinate Now

(18) Rehab Is for Quitters

(19) My Dog Can Lick Anyone

"Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at This Time"
"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)
"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
"Procrastinate Now"
"Rehab Is for Quitters"
"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"
"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts -- Do You Want Fries With That?"
"Party -- My Crib - Two A.M." (On a baby-size shirt)
"If a woman's place is in the home WHY AM I ALWAYS IN THIS CAR!"
"ALL MEN ARE IDIOTS, AND I MARRIED THEIR KING"
"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"
"STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
"They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken"
"He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"
"POLICE STATION TOILET STOLEN......Cops have nothing to go on."
"HECK IS WHERE PEOPLE GO WHO DON'T BELIEVE IN GOSH"
"A PICTURE IS WORTH A THOUSAND WORDS--But it uses up a thousand times the memory."
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
"HAM AND EGGS - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig."
"HARD WORK WILL PAY OFF LATER. LAZINESS PAYS OFF NOW!"
"The trouble with life is there's no background music."
"The original point and click interface was a Smith & Wesson."
"Two rights do not make a wrong. They make an airplane."
"MY WILD OATS HAVE TURNED TO SHREDDED WHEAT"
"Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."

lol

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're ok now.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!